AshleyMadison.com, a dating site catering to cheating spouses, has launched a remarkably offensive marketing campaign. The “discreet dating site”, whose slogan is Saving Marriages, One Affair at a Time, just announced their Cash for Chunkers program. Much like its government namesake, Chunkers is financially unsound, full of moral hazards, and likely to wreak havoc on American families.

The campaign offers a free trial to married men looking to trade in their “chunker” of a wife for a hot mistresses, a “sleeker model” as Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman explains in the press release:

The average person gains over 40 pounds in their first ten years of marriage which often has a crushing affect when it comes to the bedroom. And when sexual intimacy stalls in a marriage over 50% of people look elsewhere for a little jumpstart. Over four million have turned to AshleyMadison.com

Taking a page out of the Obama’s book, Ashley Madison is offering a cash incentive for those looking to temporarily trade in their Chunker for something a little sleeker. And according to Biderman, “With a new member joining every 15 seconds, we have a lot of models to choose from.

This line is the kicker though, “Let The Protests Begin“. They’d like all that free press, wouldn’t they? Am I playing into their viral-marketing ploy by writing this post? Maybe, but hold that thought a minute.

Putting aside the moral issues momentarily, think about the legions of hot young ladies supposedly trolling AM for affairs. Why the hell would these girls be on Ashley Madison? Everyone knows that a lady so inclined can get action just about anywhere: a bar, a bowling alley, at a wake. Especially the modelesque girls Biderman suggests that you trade your “Chunker” in for. So I decided to look at Ashley Madison’s demographics, specifically the male-female ratio. Screenshot from Alexa.com:

ashley-madison-demographics

Apparently Ashleymadison.com is a sausage-fest. Alexa’s confidence in this matter is high. They’re an Amazon.com subsidiary, so I’ll assume the data is good. Quantcast.com shows a 71%/29% male-female split. If anything, that number even seems high. If a 70/30 split is right, you can bet the ladies of AM are not what you’d call great catches.

So while I did play into their viral-marketing ploy, I also highlighted some demographic issues they’d probably rather ignore. That makes this post Karma-neutral, maybe even slightly positive. And in case anyone was wondering, I heard about Cash for Chunkers on Howard Stern, not while trolling for extramarital action. I’m happily married, and yup, I’m a diehard Stern fan. Ashley Madison has been running ads on his show for years. They’ve always been in poor taste, some bad enough to get a chuckle. But this new campaign raises the bar. And indicates how desperate Sirius is for revenue.

Past AM classics include their shove-a-pencil-in-my-ear inspiring jingle, which is played around 5x/day during the Stern show. It’s one line, repeated ~15x, sung a capella by a chorus: “Ashley Madison, Find Your Lovers Here; Ashley Madison, Find Your Lovers Here; Ashley Madison — Find Your Lovers Heeeeeerreeeee“. Their faux testimonials are also cringe-worthy, like “My husband doesn’t even look at me anymore, let alone touch me”. Let’s just say it makes listening to Stern at work an awkward endeavor.